Taking care of Mom

Wow! I just realized that it's been ages since I last wrote. As with all of us, life takes us into different places.

About 4 years ago my mom had a stroke. I stopped everything in my life and went down to take care of her. She was lucky in that she had her stroke at a pharmacy which was located right next door to the fire station. They had her to the hospital within minutes and administered the stroke medicine. She lived in California and I live in North Idaho. The doctor called me and let me know what was happening. I was on a flight to Sacramento the next day.

I have a home business so I had to pack all of the business up into my suitcase (which was interesting in itself). My son is a pilot for a major airline so I was able to catch a flight easily. I was amazed at how everything went together so quickly for me. I was visiting her in the hospital the day after the stroke.

My mom lived alone and was almost 90 at the time of her stroke. I live with my husband. Four of my children live close and my daughter lives in Southern California. I had one brother at the time of my mom's stroke. He was housebound with illness. His wife picked me up from the airport and helped me get settled. My mom also has 1 step daughter that has been close to her but with physical problems of her own. In other words, I was the only one that could help my mom. No problem though as I have always been very close to her and love her dearly.

To make a long story shorter, I stayed with my mom for a couple of months then went home to be with my husband. She called and said she was ready to move to Idaho because she was too lonely there (she'd gotten used to being with me). So I returned to help her pack up a few things, clean out most of her house items and sell the house. It took a couple of months to get it all done. We moved her up to our house (we have a little cottage connected to our main house that we built for my husband's parents - who have now passed on).

My mom loves it here and is thrilled to be around so much family. We love having her here. She pretty much takes care of herself but does eat dinner with us and I check in on her many times during the day. My life has always been very different than hers and she has had to adjust but her age is making it easier for her to do so. She will be 94 in a couple of weeks.

As mush as I love my mom, there are difficulties. She does not drive and is wearing down. She still gets around using a cane but isn't that steady on her feet. He health is actually pretty good. She had to have some major surgery at the beginning of last year but that cleared up most of her problems. I am so grateful to have this time with her.

My biggest problem is that my husband and I really want to take a trip and feel that we can't really leave her here by herself. She doesn't want to be babysat and loves being in her own home as she rests a lot and loves having her own bathroom etc. We have been trying to come up with a plan as to how we can have someone here just in case something happens. I feel that she will be okay (once the snow leaves our place) as we have two sons on either side of us (we all live here on 80 acres). My husband is not so sure about leaving. I keep telling him that I can hop on a plane if there is a problem. He still is not so convinced. I know our daughters-in-law will be happy to check in on her and I would call several times a day.

My life has changed a lot since taking care of mom. I very rarely get to go out alone as I know she loves to get out and I know she needs to get out. My husband and I get some time together but again, we usually invite her along knowing how lonely it can be at home alone. Now my husband is plagued with a variety of illnesses and I have problems with knees, shoulders and back. I feel like we are an old folks home.

I took care of both of my in-laws up until their passing and have learned to be somewhat of a nurse. Taking care of all of us has resulted in a little bit of depression for me. I know the signs and try to pop out of it with a variety of activities (like puzzles and genealogy) but I am really ready to do something else but I can't. I kind of feel pushed and pulled. My husband really wants to go someplace too but he's the one that won't leave mom alone. She is 94 and could possible live several more years. My husband is almost 74 and I honestly don't know how long he will be around. He's had several major health issues that have been extremely close calls for him.

I knew the situation of taking care of parents as we did take care of my in-laws until their passing. They both had Parkinson's - he with the stiffening and her the regular. He was unable to take care of himself at all. He could not roll over or stand or anything. I had to get him out of bed, into a wheelchair, feed him, clean him, etc. She could take care of herself until the end but was frail and had broken her hip before she moved to our place. It was very difficult taking care of the folks because we really were housebound with them. As difficult as it was much of the time, it was an experience I would never trade. We feel truly blessed to have had that opportunity to serve them. Now we have my mom and feel the same blessing.

I love having my mom here and being able to part of her life. For many years we were only able to see each other a couple of times a year. I had prayed to have more time with her before she leaves this earthly state and have been truly blessed with this experience. She is a loving and wonderful mother. I know she feels like she has interfered with our lives but is most grateful to be here with me. She loves her home here (in the cottage). I know we will work something out where we can go on a vacation. Everything always works out in the end.

Being the caregiver for a loved one can be difficult but so rewarding. I know I get a little testy with some things she does. Her reasoning is very slow, her speech is getting stuttery, she thinks she can do things that she no longer can and I see that frustration but I just have to be patient and loving. Sometimes I find myself a little snippy. Yesterday I explained something to her like ten times and then at dinner she asked the question again. I was frustrated because I couldn't get her to understand but eventually she did. I do have to keep reminding myself to be nice. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for this time with her. My prayers have been answered.